So you’re interested in learning about how to save your marriage?
At about this time, alarms should be sounding. This is not a drill. Divorce is imminent and you need to ask yourself—is this really what I want? Divorce is so common among couples that we often forget its grim reality. Financial hardship, loss of friends, the struggle to rediscover love—these obstacles await the divorcee. Are you ready?
Severing your relationship is an extreme solution, especially if you have unresolved feelings for your spouse.
Before making anything official, you owe it to yourself to exhaust all options. Leave no stone unturned on your quest to salvage your marriage. It may seem like your darkest hour, but countless married couples have climbed their way out of this hole. If you can do it too, then you will emerge more resilient than ever.
It takes dedication, a positive attitude and stellar communication, but you can absolutely save your marriage (and you can start right now).
Your marriage is worth saving!
Right about now, you might be thinking, “There is no use fixing this relationship. Our marriage is hopeless.”
You have to believe your marriage is worth saving to make any progress. The good news? Your marriage is salvageable.
You invested a lot of time and energy into this relationship. You built a life with this person, however short and incomplete. At this point, your spouse—more than anyone else in the world—is in the best position to be your lifelong partner.
For six months to a year, eliminate your pessimistic attitude. Spend that time genuinely trying to save your marriage. By writing off your relationship as “hopeless,” you become responsible for its demise.
Focus on you
During a divorce, it’s easy to point fingers and shirk responsibility. “This is all your fault,” or “You don’t satisfy me anymore,” become the mantras of divorcing spouses. You become desperately frustrated with your partner’s faults as you are unable to fix them.
Likely, your marriage is not failing because of one person. You both have weaknesses and have made mistakes along the way. You need to make peace with this fact.
Unfortunately, you cannot mold your spouse into your ideal soul mate, but you can become a better spouse.
By the way, if you want to learn a secret method to saving your marriage, just click on the banner right below here:
Anyways, as I was saying…
Go against your impulse to place blame, and redirect criticism inward. Every day, try asking your spouse, “What can I do to make this better?” They may respond negatively, if at all, but be persistent (a month or longer) and this will produce results. Regardless of your spouse’s answer—even if it’s sarcastic and cynical—make an honest effort to follow and implement their recommendations. If your spouse sees you making a good faith effort to make things right, they are prone to follow suit.
Also, by fostering a less-critical environment, you will erode away the barrier of negativity keeping you from having a meaningful, productive conversation with your spouse.
Pretend to be single
The daily-grind of marital life can make you dull and numb to life’s possibilities. You don’t try as hard. You become lazy and maybe even a little boring. You settle. Being single (complete freedom, a chance to reinvent yourself, etc.) looks pretty sexy as you grow increasingly unfulfilled by your life and your marriage.
You want to be single? Then act like it. See what happens when you both start living for yourselves instead of each other.
This doesn’t mean move out of the house and begin seeing other people; that’s taking the role play a little too far. But, try putting yourself first. Adopting the mentality of a bachelor/bachelorette puts you on a fast track to self-improvement which could be the saving grace for your marriage.
Curious things happen when you become a divorcee. After you work through the pain of separation, you join gyms, go on adventures, find new hobbies and make new friends. Your sex becomes new and exciting.
Try allowing yourselves some unapologetic freedom, as a couple. Act without worrying what your spouse will think. Eat dinner on the sofa. Leave the cap off the toothpaste. Dust off those hobbies you never had time for. Soon, you’ll reestablish some freedom and a sense of independent identity.
Next, take more care with your appearance. Get a haircut, buy a new dress and exercise more. If you have neglected your appearance over the years, then you will feel sexier and more confident by making physical changes. Plus, you may reinvigorate your spouse’s attraction to you, and like it or not, renewed physical attention can be a huge factor in stopping divorce.
Lastly, communicate like a single person—honestly. There was a time in your relationship when you had good conversations. When you weren’t afraid to speak your mind and share your feelings. That time was probably long ago, before you were jaded. Be that person once more, and reestablish frank and open communication with each other.
Cling to positive memories
When you’re angry and can’t see anything but failure, force yourself to feel something positive. A good practice is to dwell on happier times. Make yourself remember what a vibrant, wonderful person your spouse is.
Watch your wedding video together. Look at pictures from happy vacations. Reread old love letters.
Your spouse is probably numb to hearing all the reasons you dislike them, so surprise them by sharing your favorite things about them. Each of you should make a list detailing what behaviors you find, or have found in the past, attractive. Share the lists, and immediately emulate those behaviors.
Move to the pain
A certain heartache, trauma or problem is lodged in your relationship. Whatever it is, it’s driving you apart, and you need to find and dismantle it.
Answer this question: why do I want to leave? Focus on how you feel, and not on your spouse’s shortcomings.
Instead of talking this through, try writing it down. Getting your thoughts on paper is a safe and manageable way to work through complicated feelings. You can share your letter with your partner, if you feel it’s easier than talking, or you can use this exercise as a precursor to your conversation. Either way, writing down your feelings while you’re alone is a great idea.
Don’t lie to yourself and your partner by ignoring painful realities. If it hurts to hear, then there is probably has some truth to it.
So if you want to learn the most comprehensive guide to saving your marriage, then you must watch the free presentation below by Brad Browning. He’s a marriage expert from Vancouver, Canada and he’s been credited to saving thousands of marriages.